Why December 7 is a holiday

Yesterday and today are national holidays in Timor Leste to celebrate independence from Indonesia and Immaculate Conception respectively. This country has the most number of holidays I have known. These celebrations and commemorations can be traced back to history of their independence from Portugal and Indonesia, to massacre, death of important people in their history of struggle, and religious feasts of patron saints. Today is one of the latter celebrations, feast of the Immaculate Conception which is the patron saint of Dili I guess because the Cathedral was named in honor of her. 

These long list of holidays made NGOs to decide on their own, which among these will  they follow because using the holidays calendar of Timor Leste adds up to almost a month in a year. Trying to analyze the background behind all these celebrations would help you understand the reason behind. 

Timor Leste is next to Philippines when it comes to Roman Catholic population. It may have only 1.6 million population but majority of them are Catholics. In fact, Timorese are still practicing their faith the traditional way, which is quite impressive although there are also disadvantages if you would look at the economic side of it. But it's no wonder why feast days of saints are big events to Timorese.  

On the history side, Timor Leste has been a colony of Portugal and Indonesia. They were freed from these colonizers which made up two independence day celebrations plus the celebration of its proclamation as an independent country after the referendum. It's funny though that when I asked my colleague why December 7 is a holiday, her response to me was a plain 'it has something to do with Indonesia's occupation of our country mana'. I got curious about the story behind the celebration, so i consulted google since there was no one I can ask to get a good answer. I found the answer from: TL Government portal , specifically the biography section of Prime Minister Xanana. December 7, 1975 was the day when Indonesia decided to invade Dili. Though I got this answer, I am still unsatisfied with it, perhaps I would need to research through personal accounts from locals about the history of December 7 because I cannot understand why occupation of Dili is being commemorated. Although I had the same question on one occasion, and I got this answer: it is part of the healing process from the pain they have experienced during the conflict. 

Countdown

Today is the 1st of December, I am one of the many people or specifically Filipinos doing a countdown but mine is not a countdown to Christmas and New Year but the days that i'll be going home for the holidays. Apart from the lack of Christmas spirit in Dili, I personally don't feel any excitement towards it, I asked myself why but I couldn't find any answer. I try to reflect and find out the reasons but these are all 'could be' or 'maybe' because of...

photo from: iloveeasthampton.blogspot.com

...i have been celebrating it away from home and I got used to the feeling of observing it in any way I could just to let it pass

...too old to look forward to material gifts I would receive from family, relatives, friends and much more from a boyfriend. It has been long since I last received a Christmas gift from a boyfriend, I mean on the day itself. I either get it pre or post Christmas which is not exciting anymore. This year, or 2 weeks from now, I have no idea if I would get one

...apart from celebrating it with mama and my nephews and nieces from cousins. I have not celebrated Christmas with my boyfriend for a long time. Another thing which I don't think I would experience 2 weeks from now

It's all mixed emotions, there's something missing which I cannot describe nor articulate. I don't know...really don't know...

A journey into meditation....

Meditation always amazes me because just the thought of doing it makes me admire people and I knew that I would't manage to do it myself. I always have an impression that it needs so much concentration which I have very low tolerance level. But thanks to facebook because I discovered Dr. Chopra and through his updates I got this website of his daughter Mallika Chopra. It's something I have been looking for, which puts meditation easy to do. There is an on-line course on meditation with Mallika and I decided to try it. 

According to her: Though there is no set time on how slowly or how quickly you go through each lesson, we recommend that you space out three days between each lesson so you can fully commit to the core meditation and mindfulness practice contained in each lesson before moving onto the next one. I intend to do it following the 3-day space and too keep the link, I am posting it here so that I can quickly go back to the site and browse. 

I plan to keep the journal here as i take another journey to the road less traveled. 

Introduction: Meditation with Mallika Chopra: Introduction 

Lesson 1: What is Meditation? 

Dedicating yourself to a regular meditation practice truly has the power to completely transform your life.

Journal entry: my personal reasons for meditating is to gain the following benefits:
Mental: reduced stress and anxiety, greater sense of relaxation and inner peace
Physical: decreased muscle fatigue and tension
Spiritual: greater sense of self-awareness

I had difficulty paying attention to what i was experiencing, the noise around me. I cannot divert myself away from the usual thoughts I have. But i know that it will take constant practice to get myself used to it. 


Lesson 2: The Basics of Meditation

Meditation de-clutters your mind of counterproductive thoughts so that more space is created for happiness, inner peace and a joy for living.

Journal entry: what I always dreaded for practicing meditation happened tonight. Following the instructions in lesson 2, I had a hard time listening to the sound of silence. But I will try to make it a habit everyday until I reached the stage of detaching myself from my own thoughts and reconnecting to silence.

Looking forward, looking back...

I always look forward to Fr. Roy celebrating the English mass in Aimutin because of his homily. Today is the first Sunday of Advent, the beginning of a new calendar year for the Catholic Church. His homily revolved around how to begin a new year. To do this, he said you have to look back in order to look forward. Meaning, reflect on what happened in the past year and think of how next year could be better. 

Looking forward, looking back. A short line but full of meaning which made me reflect on how has been this year to me. I would say that 2011 has been good to me although the beginning was challenging with mama's health condition. But I am indeed thankful for she managed to sustain her good health condition after her hospital confinement in January. I would always be grateful to my family and relatives who have been with her during my absence. 

Personally, I have become stronger and braver. I don't know if it goes with the age but I have made decisions which I knew I wouldn't take 5 years ago both personally and professionally. 

This year also marked the year when one of my fondest dream came true. I acquired something I longed to have. A decision which I braved to take.  

I left the perks and comfort of being a UNV in UNDP. I loved my work, but I couldn't sense any fulfillment in what I was doing. I took this decision without any regrets. Now, I am enjoying my work despite the challenges ahead of me for I am starting a break-through in the monitoring and evaluation system of our organization. The first few weeks were difficult but I am now well-settled with my work and living environment. 

Love life has also been good. The beginning of the year started well. Despite all the complications, I am still there. However, I have become stronger and braver to show him that I can let go of him, no matter how difficult it might be. Because of this, he has improved a lot, he is back to where we started. 

With the help of internet, family gets closer despite the distance.  

I found new friends in Timor Leste which made adjustment, life and living less challenging. Old friends remained to be good and more closer. Old friends mean high school and my two best buddies, Miriam and Jessamyn who may never understand some of my decisions in life but they have remained to be there for me. 

Looking back, I have so much to be thankful for. I just hope it would continue to be until the end of this year. Looking forward, I do hope 2012 would be a better year for me, if not, at least the same as this year. 

I uttered a short prayer intention after the homily, a prayer I have been praying for a long time. I leave it up to His mighty hands if 2012 would be the right time for Him to give it to me. 

Sta. Cruz Massacre...20 Years After

Timor Leste is commemorating today the Sta. Cruz massacre in Dili. I did not bother myself to find out the story about this historic event until around 8:30 today, Rey, my neighbor and I decided to have our comfort foods at Aru. As we were getting out of our compound, I noticed lighted white candles outside several houses in our neighborhood. Only then I remembered that today, Timor Leste marks the 20th anniversary of Sta. Cruz Massacre. All the more I became curious about the story behind it as we continued driving to the main road and saw more lighted candles outside houses, children and adults alike joined together in lighting candles or watching the lighted ones. Even along the beach road there were floating lighted candles in the sea. Because of this sight, I requested Rey if we could drive around Sta. Cruz cemetery and see what is happening there, but the area was blocked which would mean we have to walk to get closer to the cemetery, an option which I did not take. So, we moved on and while inside the car, I was thinking in admiration how impressive every Timorese's participation in commemorating this tragic event in their country's history. 

After our coffee and cake, I googled Sta. Cruz Massacre from the web when I reached home. Of all the links I found, I liked the brief and concise story about it by friends of Timor. While reading this article, all the more I understood this tradition of lighting candles outside their houses. Related or not to any of those who died, it's a show of sympathy to those victims as well as a prayer offering. A symbolic and historic landmarks of their fight for independence. 

Once you read the story below, you would understand and, feel with them the pain of it though 20 years has already gone. I also came to realize how forgiving the Timorese are, despite the freshness of their experience during the Indonesian occupation, they have never resented the presence of Indonesians in their country. Read below and be touched by it!

Source: http://www.friendsoftimor.com/santa_cruz_massacre.php

Santa Cruz Massacre - A Black Day in Timor's History

The Dili massacre (also known as the Santa Cruz massacre) was the shooting of East Timorese protesters, in the Santa Cruz cemetery in the capital, Dili, on 12 November 1991.

The protesters, mainly students, launched their protest against Indonesian rule at the funeral of a fellow student, Sebastião Gomes, who had been shot dead by Indonesian troops the month before. The students had been anticipating the arrival of a parliamentary delegation from Portugal, which was still legally recognised by the United Nations as the administering power. This had been cancelled after Jakarta objected to the inclusion in the delegation of Jill Joliffe, an Australian journalist whom it regarded as supportive of the Fretilin independence movement.

At the funeral procession, students unfurled banners calling for self-determination and independence, displaying pictures of the independence leader Xanana Gusmão. As the procession entered the cemetery, Indonesian troops opened fire. Of the people demonstrating in the cemetery, 271 were killed, 382 wounded, and 250 disappeared. One of the dead was a New Zealander, Kamal Bamadhaj, a political science student and human rights activist based in Australia.

The television pictures of the massacre were shown worldwide, causing the Indonesian government considerable embarrassment. In Portugal and Australia, both of which had sizeable East Timorese communities, there was a public outcry.The massacre was eyewitnessed by two American journalists—Amy Goodman and Allan Nairn—and caught on videotape by Max Stahl, who was filming undercover for Yorkshire Television in the UK. The camera crew managed to smuggle the video footage to Australia. They gave it to Saskia Kouwenburg, a Dutch journalist to avoid it being seized and confiscated by the Australian authorities, who had been tipped off by Indonesia and subjected the camera crew to a strip-search when they arrived in Darwin. The video footage was used in the First Tuesday documentary In Cold Blood: The Massacre of East Timor, shown on ITV in the UK in January, 1992.

Many Portuguese felt bad about their country's effective abandonment of their former colony in 1975, and were moved by the footage of people shouting and praying in Portuguese. Similarly, many Australians felt ashamed at their government's support for the repressive Suharto regime in Indonesia, and what they saw as the betrayal of a people who had fought with Australian troops against the Japanese in the Second World War.

The massacre (also euphemistically called the Dili Incident by the Indonesian government) was likened to the Sharpeville Massacre in South Africa in 1960, in which unarmed protesters were also shot dead, and which saw the apartheid regime subjected to international condemnation.Although it prompted the Portuguese government to step up its diplomatic campaign, for the Australian government, the killings were, in the words of foreign minister Gareth Evans, 'an aberration'.

Now commemorated as a public holiday in an independent East Timor, 12th November is remembered by the East Timorese as one of the bloodiest days in their history, which gained international attention to their fight for independence.

Cultural Practice 1 in Timor Leste - Death

He is one of those local staff who is open to learning new things and always welcome the idea of mentoring and coaching. This morning I went to his office to orient him about the link of M&E with the project log frame. Before I was able to start, he told me about the death of his mother's younger sister and grandfather. After saying my words of sympathy, I took this as an opportunity to validate what I know about Timorese cultural practice about death in a family.  

He started with financial implications of death. As family/relative of a dead person, everyone is expected to contribute something. Expectations from a working relative is higher because it is equated to ability to contribute more. According to him, the amount of contributions depend on the degree of relationship. In his case, these two deaths would cost him so much because one is a grandfather and the other one is an auntie. The amount expected for this degree should not be less than US$50 plus rice and vehicle rental to transport family members/relatives to the district where the dead person will be buried which is usually the hometown or birth place. Instead of giving voluntarily, in Timor Leste, it is mandatory. For an average family, US$50 is a huge amount.  

I asked my colleague if it's fine with them. He explained to me how difficult it is for them but because it is a cultural practice, they must follow the tradition. I asked what would be the consequence if he won't give anything or he would give less. It's either disowning him as member of the family, or he will be subjected to negative comments and during deaths in his immediate family they will get even with you by doing the same thing. He told me that his salary is actually enough to feed his family but no matter how hard he tried and how much he save out of his salary, at one point in time, he would withdraw the money during such situation. it's like saving for this event or weddings in the family rather than saving for his family's future.    

This culture was also similar to what we had back then in the Philippines, like waiting for family members to attend the wake even if takes a long period of waiting, contributing something voluntarily but at least it is not mandatory. Not that this culture has been eroded in the Philippines but we have seen the practical side of it, we don't expect families/relatives to give something but their presence at their own expense is more than enough for us. This similarity though made me ask myself if it's a cultural inheritance from our Spanish roots and their Portuguese roots, our common religion or our regional roots as South East Asian. 

Cultural practices in Timor Leste is still very high but I hope, they would soon realize the downside of some of their traditions. Instead of regarding it as a value it becomes a burden to families and relatives. 

Trip to Atauro

This is my first attempt to make a photo story of my trip to Atauro Island. This Island according to wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atauro_Island) is....

Atauro Island (also Ilha de Atauro, Ata'uro) is a small island situated 25km north of Dili, East Timor, on the extinct Wetar segment of the volcanic Inner Banda Arc, between the Indonesian islands of Alor and Wetar. Politically it comprises one of the subdistricts of the Dili District of East Timor. It is about 25 km long and 9 km wide, about 105 km² in area, and is inhabited by about 8000 people. The nearest island is the Indonesian island of Liran, 12 km to the northeast. 

This was the ferry taxi which started off at Dili near the Maritime Office. It is usually hired which makes it expensive but there is no choice since the big boat goes to Atauro only on Saturdays. 

Our life is entrusted to 'maun' Pilot...maun is a term used as a sign of respect for men. He had a hard time initially to start the engine. He even decided to go back to the shore and change the ferry taxi but then engine worked well as he was reversing so, we continued with it. It was a bumpy ride and I couldn't even let go of my arms from holding on the railings to make sure I am not thrown out of the boat. 

This is the humble port of Atauro. There is only one big ship which travels here  every Saturday. It took us an hour to reach this port. 

It was low tide when we arrived at the port of Atauro which made these sea grasses visible. I was worried that I might drop my camera so, I did not take any photo of other marine species along the shore and under the clear blue waters. 

The taxi-ferry just dropped us. With us are vegetables for the resort where we stayed.  In less than 30 minutes, the taxi went back to Dili. 

Barry's place welcome you with complementary breakfast since it was only around 9AM when we reached his place. It was a buffet breakfast with a good selection of menu to choose from.  After our delicious breakfast and after checking in, we started off to the Aldeias (villages) we need to visit. This was our boat that took us there.  

We stayed at this place unofficially called "Barry's Place", Barry- the owner's name and place, as in literally his place. During our conversation with him, he doesn't have any official name for his place but because people call it "Barry's place, it became known like that. No advertisement and not on any travel guidebooks, as he doesn't want it. Promotion is by word of mouth. 

It took us a while to travel due to the difficulty in finding a place for docking since it was low tide. These children from Baruana Pre-primary school and ECCD were eagerly waiting for us. They were so excited to meet us. I noticed though that most them were barefooted. They guided us on our way to the school.

I was just amazed by these stones that I took a photo of it. One of my favorite photo subjects. 

Up close, there was this tiny crab perched on the stone. 

The children who walked with us to the Aldeia proper  where we are going to meet other students , key leaders and their parents. 

Pre-School children in our supported ECCD Center. I felt guilty when the volunteer-teachers were sharing their stories. They were so grateful of the assistance received from my organization. We have worked here for 3 years and my organization is very popular. The staff assigned here knows almost everyone not only in this Aldeia but the entire Atauro Island. The community shared their stories, the gains of the project and the continuing challenges they are facing. I felt guilty when one of them mentioned that their allowance is only USD20 a year while on that day, I was wearing a slipper which costed me the same amount they are getting as 'salary' for teaching these children. 

This is one of our projects. Significant changes include:...our children has improved their reading and writing skills. Because of the book club which was organized through the project, our children are able to teach other kids on how to read and write.....we are housed in a comfortable classroom....learning became fun and interesting...etc. 

A Catholic Church in Baruana. Before we started the meeting, an opening prayer was led by a 'traditional priest' while the closing prayer was given by the Protestant Pastor. 

I was amazed by the shape of this....their school bell to signal start or end of the classes. 

another type of school bell...

The 3rd of its kind...school bell

The entire crew of our small boat which helped in pushing the boat to the shoreline so we wouldn't get wet once we got off the boat. 

We passed by her house on our way out from the school. I requested if I could have a picture of her, which she eagerly said yes!

Children swimming using their improvised 'life-saver'

I really admire this toilet and bath. The toilet is open pit for organic composting while bathroon is using a ladle to bath rather than a shower which consumes much more water than necessary.

This is one of the cottages as Barry's Place. A tent is pitched  inside the cottage. 

This was our cottage. It has 6 beds inside including the double-bed on the 2nd floor. 

This pregnant woman passed by after the sun rise. The basket is a common carrier hanged on the head with the sling right on the forehead. 

The lovely sun rise. I was able to capture this while this father and son were walking along the shoreline, ready to start early with whatever they are doing everyday. 

It was market day on our 2nd day in Atauro. The market was just beside Barry's Place and very close to the port. 

One of their products for sale.

We used this on our way back to Dili. It only cost $5 each person . We stayed on the deck for more ventilation even though our ticket was for 1st class seat. It took us 2 1/2 hours to travel. 

As we were leaving Atauro Island....

Dolphins...

The children who managed to reach this area where the rope for the boats anchor  is tied. 

Atauro Island from afar....

Berlin Nakroma, the name of the ship but it has a giant TL flag. 

As we were approaching Dili, the Cristo Rei from afar...

One of the ships in the coast of Dili 

Dili from a distance

The Dili Port

One of the income-generating activities in Atauro Island which  sells  all types of bag. It serves as one of the 2 souvenir shops in the Island. 

Working Legally

Batugade border - Timor Leste side 

Atambua border- Indonesia side

Finally, I am a legal worker in Timor Leste! But securing it was never quick and easy. I had to extend my tourist visa twice and had an interview with the immigration officer after securing all the documents required to process the work permit.

Securing a visa prior to entering Timor Leste is not possible. Aside from having limited consular offices or embassy in other countries, they don’t allow it. The policy is to enter as a tourist, allow you to extend for two times and during the validity period of your visa extension; you have to secure all documents to start the processing of work permit. When your documents are complete, you would be interviewed together with the head of the organization by an immigration officer. The questions are standard like, what is your educational background, where have you worked before, what you are doing in your organization in Timor Leste, how would you transfer skills to locals. If you talk a lot, the more you encourage questions. I said this is standard because some ‘Malays’ (foreigners) have the same set of interview questions. Immigration Officers visit also your office as part of the process probably to validate its existence.

After the interview, you have to wait for them to inform you if your work permit is ready. It took 6 weeks after the interview before the immigration released my work permit and I learned this when our admin officer checked it from the labor office of MOFA. Otherwise, we wouldn't know if we have just waited for them to inform us. Immediately we went to the main office of MOFA to get the work permit only to learn that I have to exit Timor Leste so that my passport can be stamped with the work visa.

Yes, I cannot understand why I have to go to a border to get a work visa stamp when they did it in Dili during my extension period. But it’s a rule I have to follow whether I like it or not. So, on a very early Saturday, I went with the driver to Batugade and Atambua, the border between Timor Leste and Indonesia respectively. Literally, I exited Timor Leste through Batugade and entered Atambua which is the Indonesian border. These two border offices are separated by a half kilometer no man’s land. Literally, I entered Indonesia, have my passport stamped entry and moved around the immigration office and have my passport stamped exit. Then, I went back to Batugade and the TL immigration officer stamped my passport with work permit and that was it!

It took me 30 minutes to complete the process while it took us 3 hours going and 3 hours coming back to Dili. To be honest, I don’t see the logic of it. It doesn’t make any sense at all to do this if the MOFA is located in Dili. Besides, the stamp I got from my extension was even of better quality, because it was a nice sticker, than the work permit which was only a red rubber stamp and manually written with pieces of information on validity period, work permit number, etc. While I understand the fact that they don’t have laws in place yet, it makes me wonder how this giant system capacitate them because it’s supposed to be part of their mandate but on the other hand, it could also be resistance to learn and apply what is practical and feasible process on the part of the concerned ministry. It’s difficult to speculate but this is one thing I cannot understand and find any sense at all. I wonder how it would be again next year when I renew my work permit for my 2^nd year. Until then...

Looking back...my time at LIKAS

While browsing, my iPod was playing Noel Cabangon’s latest version of Kanlungan, a music I’ve grown to love since I started my development work. While listening, it brings back memories of my time as community organizer. Looking back it seems like a very distant past. Working with the Lingap para sa Kalusugan ng Sambayanan (LIKAS) was my first real NGO work. I was shaped and molded into who I am and what I am because of it and the people who were working there, my colleagues, my boss who were my mentors and professional advisers up to now.

My team in LIKAS 

One of our jamming sessions

This was a hit then, and I was good in doing this...

I started as a humble community organizer in 2 communities surrounding Mt. Bulusan Volcano National Park on Biodiversity Conservation. I would walk an average of 4 kilometers going and coming out of the community without fear. I love to observe the way of life in the community, the pleasure of their hospitality. Those people I would never forget because they loved me like a member of their family.

I also enjoyed the simple pleasures life had to offer me then. Jamming with my colleagues, swimming in the rivers found in the communities we were working, trekking, mountain climbing, it was all adventure then. I loved it and that time, I didn't bother looking outside. I was happy with my work.

After sometime, I was given a break in the organization, from being a community organizer to being a program officer, doing multi-task and leading a team, to training farmers to staff of government ministries from other countries. My skills  and competencies in various aspects of development work was really developed. My potential was harnessed. 

I came to know many people through networks. Most of them I am still in touch. These people influenced me in one way or another about who I am and what I am doing now. They inspired me to be where I am now.

After eight years of being with LIKAS, I got burned out. I needed a change of environment and work. I needed a new adventure. VSO opened this opportunity for me. I went to Bangladesh which started it all, my international development career path. I am where I am now and I am who I am now because of LIKAS, the people which was more of a family than colleagues.

Push and Pull

It has been two years since I took another road less traveled. A decision made with all the sensibilities I could think of. I tried to ask myself whether it made sense now because by then, it was. It started with a casual dinner which I initially refused but through the prodding of my colleague who was my temporary shelter in Lusaka, I said yes even without knowing whom we were going to dine with. The typical snub in me, when I was introduced to my friend’s friends I just said hello, didn’t even bother to shake hands with them. I had a hard-time choosing the food because that time whatever different from chicken and chips was good enough for me. While having dinner, the discussion started  with my beloved Chipata, then analysis of the situation of Zambia, which really caught my interest so even if I did not know them, I got so much engaged in the conversation. This he told me later, impressed him. Afterwards, there was exchange of phone numbers and e-mail address which to my surprise I easily gave out. The first meeting ended.

The following night, I got invite for another dinner so that my desire to have Chinese food would be satisfied but we ended up in a Korean resto which was not bad at all. I was off to be back to my province the next day but decided to move it for another day. The evening that followed, I got invite again but this time, I refused. He made an excuse; he went to my friend’s house. It was just a casual evening of chatting, comparing music in our iPod. When he reached home, I got a call which I willingly acknowledged. Then early morning the next day which was my schedule to travel back to my province, I received again a call with the usual Filipino goodbye lines in our conversation. During the 6-hour trip, I cannot remember how many calls I got until I reached my beloved province.  

That evening, I received countless calls again. I willingly spent time talking on phone and even endured the tiny screen of my nokia for mobile chatting using e-buddy. This has become a routine every evening which really surprised me because I look forward to those calls and chats. This blossomed into something more than just casual conversations. I was hooked!

He is a guy who has the characteristics of a Filipino whom you would fall in love with. He is caring, loving, thoughtful and plus, plus other things. There was too much passion at the beginning, no missed calls, no unanswered sms, no sleep without talking on phone. Slowly, I discovered what irritates him and what triggers his anger. He has some attitude I could not stand. Fights started, missed calls, unanswered sms and calls became lesser and shorter. We discussed this and things were settled as always. I was always pulled back. 

I went to Viet Nam, the relationship continued and the same passion was there during the first few months, then slowly it lessened to a large extent. There were so many broken promises, or plans which did not materialize. My life became miserable, my health, my work was affected. I was crying almost every night. There was even a time when I was almost hit by a motorbike because I was crossing the street absent-mindedly. Slowly, I came to my senses. I gave up. I gave up after learning my lessons the hard way. I slowly moved on. I managed to push for a short time. 

Victoria Falls

Then January this year, the day before I was to go back to Viet Nam from my holidays, he called up and wanted to meet up. I agreed. I thought I was meeting him to close whatever needs to be closed but then we decided to continue it. Again, I was pulled back. But the situation was the same until I got this post here. I promised myself to start a new life, new environment and new work. But then, it never happened. Yes, it was a new work, a new living environment but the way I am living my life is the same. We are still together. Despite all the pains, hurt, disappointment and frustrations, I am always pulled back no matter how hard I push. Two years since, there is no doubt that he loves me and so do I but I am asking myself, is he worth the pain I’ve gone through?  Seriously, does he really deserve me? 

Merienda-Get-Together

Last Sunday, 9^th of October 2011, the Philippine Embassy gathered Filipinos in Timor Leste for a ‘merienda’ get-together. The invite was plain and simple, a gathering of Filipinos so I have set my mind that there is really nothing to expect when it comes to formal discussions or the like.

I admit, out of curiosity, I confirmed attendance to the event and also as a way of supporting our embassy for the effort to organize such activity. I remembered I posted once in my wall, asking friends on FB what the role of an embassy really is, in a country. I got mixed answers; a number of them mentioned hosting parties which is a rare event in Timor Leste. Whatever the reason, why such events are rare, I have no idea.  Then there was this opportunity over the weekend to gather Filipinos. So, I did not hesitate to join.

The ‘merienda’ get together was what I was expecting because I did not pre-empt my mind from expecting something. While people are chatting, others were observing, two Filipinos were playing music on the background. Seats were not enough but I guess that was the primary purpose of it, for people to move around, meet-and-greet. Food was in abundance, they may not be 100% native ‘pinoy foods’ (because of the brownies, cake) but they were all palatable to Filipino tongue.

Like what I have mentioned, I was not expecting any program or formal announcements but I couldn’t help myself from sharing my observations. First, the same people which are typical of Filipino culture flocked around each other. If one belongs to one group, the same people stick to each other until the end. Second, most if not all, the Filipinos around were occupying mid-managerial and managerial positions in different organizations, private companies and government agencies (as advisors/consultants) in Timor Leste. Nowhere to be seen are those whom we referred to as ‘kababayan na nakipagsapalaran’ (compatriots who are taking chances) in Timor Leste. Those ordinary citizens who tried their luck in Timor Leste, those you never know if they have legal documents or not, those who may be documented or not. These are the people, to copy the term of my organization, the most deprived, excluded and vulnerable Filipinos, the sector who should be reached out by our ‘kababayans’, and the embassy. I am not pointing fingers or blaming anybody because if you would know the different life stories of Filipinos in Timor Leste, all you could utter is...’OMG, what a shame or OMG, what a pity”. Nonetheless, I was not happy because they were not around. 

On another note, there were negative comments I heard as well about the way ‘merienda get-together’ was organized, why there was no proper program, why there were no announcements, etc., etc; again, typical of Filipino character which likes looking at the negative side rather than finding good out of something. Personally, I have come to terms with realities. An embassy is not just an office; it is composed of people with different personalities and way of doing things. I had a very nice experience with the Philippines Embassy in Bangladesh to the envy of other VSO volunteers, but the same experience was never replicated in other countries I have worked and lived. In the same manner that I have to keep a mindset that situations vary under different circumstances, the less you expect, the less frustration you would have.

In the end, the effort was still worth recognizing. It may be old cliché but it still holds true, you cannot please everybody and I am glad I did not attempt to take Foreign Service even with the prodding and encouragement of my ‘lolo Vic’ who was an ambassador during Marcos’ time.  

An incomplete guide to Filipino food terms

To those who have tried at least one or two Filipino dishes, read this to learn more!

An incomplete guide to Filipino food terms

Mission

I was never born rich or too poor without anything to eat but I had my share of making ends meet in order to reach the life I have always dreamt of. I was just lucky enough because I am an only child, I don’t have to support anyone in the family except my parents. I don’t know if this is a mission given to me by God because even without anyone depending on me, there are some other people who depends on me for support, in cash or in kind. I am not complaining but I am just amazed how fate turns and twist, whether officially assigned or not, God really has His own way of doing things.

Today, I was disappointed but thankful at the same time. Over the weekend my mom sent me a message about the condition of her sister who is an old maid; I would say she is my second mom. She looked after me when I was still a child. Mama was then busy working.

Mana, we fondly call her is not liked by many, especially the younger cousins, nieces and nephews and even some older ones. She has the habit of disciplining and she is really noisy literally, nagging on anything which she doesn’t like seeing or observing from our big bunch of family. But she is good in looking after us. She never complained about it. I guess she is happy taking care of us, all different generation of my family from babysitting, cooking, washing clothes, house-sitting, cleaning, etc.  the list could go on and on. Whether she has chosen to be single forever, I have no idea because I have never heard her or even mama telling us if she is happy or not about her status but I guess she gets her strength from all of us.

Like mana’s brothers and sisters, hypertension is a killer disease in the family. It runs in our blood. Mana was not spared. A couple of times her blood pressure shoots up, fortunately, she was cured and so life was back to normal. She has been going to a medical practitioner, a mid-wife, not a doctor. She believes that whatever prescription this midwife is giving is good because her hypertension is treated. Not that I doubt the ability of this midwife but there are certain limitations in her capacity and a doctor’s. Mana is so stubborn to consult a proper doctor but this is one of her characters, so be it. Over the weekend the family was alarmed. The noisy mana has been quiet and always sleepy. Today, she was taken to the hospital and the doctor said it was due to blood clot that her brain functioning is affected. This the reason for her quiet demeanor and drowsiness. Good enough she was taken to the hospital early, otherwise, it would have been too late and she would go back to senility at her age. Now, she has to maintain a couple of medicines which enormously cost a lot.

Going back to my question if this is my mission, I am just wondering how God put things together. I have a good job to keep mama and mana. There are two people now I have to spend money for medical maintenance. A big chunk of my salary would go to them, for the maintenance of their health. It’s payback time, I am thankful that God has blessed me with a job to support them. I am just praying that God will continue to bless me with wisdom and good health that would enable me to perform my job.

To all my cousins, nephews and nieces, whatever you have always keep in mind to share. In one way or another, mana has touched your life. Believe me, God will reward you a hundredfold.