He is one of those local staff who is open to learning new things and always welcome the idea of mentoring and coaching. This morning I went to his office to orient him about the link of M&E with the project log frame. Before I was able to start, he told me about the death of his mother's younger sister and grandfather. After saying my words of sympathy, I took this as an opportunity to validate what I know about Timorese cultural practice about death in a family.
He started with financial implications of death. As family/relative of a dead person, everyone is expected to contribute something. Expectations from a working relative is higher because it is equated to ability to contribute more. According to him, the amount of contributions depend on the degree of relationship. In his case, these two deaths would cost him so much because one is a grandfather and the other one is an auntie. The amount expected for this degree should not be less than US$50 plus rice and vehicle rental to transport family members/relatives to the district where the dead person will be buried which is usually the hometown or birth place. Instead of giving voluntarily, in Timor Leste, it is mandatory. For an average family, US$50 is a huge amount.
I asked my colleague if it's fine with them. He explained to me how difficult it is for them but because it is a cultural practice, they must follow the tradition. I asked what would be the consequence if he won't give anything or he would give less. It's either disowning him as member of the family, or he will be subjected to negative comments and during deaths in his immediate family they will get even with you by doing the same thing. He told me that his salary is actually enough to feed his family but no matter how hard he tried and how much he save out of his salary, at one point in time, he would withdraw the money during such situation. it's like saving for this event or weddings in the family rather than saving for his family's future.
This culture was also similar to what we had back then in the Philippines, like waiting for family members to attend the wake even if takes a long period of waiting, contributing something voluntarily but at least it is not mandatory. Not that this culture has been eroded in the Philippines but we have seen the practical side of it, we don't expect families/relatives to give something but their presence at their own expense is more than enough for us. This similarity though made me ask myself if it's a cultural inheritance from our Spanish roots and their Portuguese roots, our common religion or our regional roots as South East Asian.
Cultural practices in Timor Leste is still very high but I hope, they would soon realize the downside of some of their traditions. Instead of regarding it as a value it becomes a burden to families and relatives.
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