Kitchen Party

Kitchen parties are meant for bride-to-be. It is similar to bridal shower, except that a kitchen party, as the name connotes gives out kitchen utensils as present for the party which the couple can use as they start living on their own. We don’t know the bride or the groom but we found ourselves attending a kitchen party one weekend together with the other volunteers. To make a long story short of how we ended attending the party---VSO has a new partner in Chipata and the executive director happened to know us all through the preparation meeting that is done prior to volunteers’ arrival in country. This is how the connection was established. The bride to be is her niece and she was the one in-charge of the kitchen party. Sincerely, I did not plan to come but out of curiosity I did. When we entered the venue of the kitchen party, all eyes were diverted on us although we wouldn’t know what they were thinking…but I could guess, at least one of them would be thinking…what are these Mzungus doing here?

The photos speak of what a kitchen party is. All presents from invited/uninvited guests have something to do with kitchen. Kitchen parties are done for the bride, and it is an all-ladies affair, including the local band. Both relatives and friends of the groom and bride were present, including families and parents. The ceremony starts with the emcee (usually a family member) announcing the bride’s and groom’s family background. After the preliminaries, the ceremony starts with the entourage of the bride with her at the end of the line, with the matron of honor assisting the bride. I call it assisting because the bride is covered with a chitenge (colorful fabric wrapped around as skirt) so that she won't see anybody when she enters the room. As she goes up the stage, the matron-of-honor slowly unfolds the chitenge cover. The bride moved like a robot in the sense that even when standing or sitting,or every move, the matron-of-honor has to assist or coach her. What puzzled me was the sad face of the bride, and unable to control my curiosity, I asked why the bride appeared to be unhappy only to find out that it is part of the ceremony. The bride was not supposed to smile as a sign of respect because the decision of getting married is a serious matter. Smiling or talking would appear disrespectful.

When the bride is settled on the stage, the groom enters with his entourage to formally present the bride to the public. As this was done, the groom has to say something to the bride. Despite the presence of the groom and the many guests, the bride has to keep her sullen face. After this part of the ceremony, the bride and groom walk together to the exit to send off the groom and his entourage. Then the bride walks back to the stage.

When the bride is back on the stage, she was assisted again to go down with the other assistants handing her cakes, to be given each to her mother and mother-in-law to be. While doing this, the mothers give pieces of advice about married life (so, I heard from people!). Then the bride is ushered back to the stage and the next ceremony starts which is the presentation of gifts. All the gifts are picked randomly and the presenter is called up onstage to hand over the present. But this does not end here, while presenting the gifts; the person has to give pieces of advice to the bride. Imagine if there are so many gifts? This would also mean long hour of presentation of gifts and pieces of advice. In addition, the gift presenter has to dance after handing-over the gift and since we just pitched in for our gifts, all of us Chipata-based volunteers went up stage and danced together as a group.

Because there were many gifts, a break was called for in the middle of it so that guests can eat. There was a long queue for food but as Mzungus, we were given the privilege to get our food without queuing. Not fair, but it felt good to be treated this way in some situations.

I enjoyed the experience. There was even a Zambian who asked if I am married, which I answered with a no and again a follow-up question was asked, if I have a boyfriend which I affirmed. And I was expecting that there will be a follow-up statement which indeed was true…she told me to get married and she will help organize my kitchen party. Nice try…but I may copy it if, not when my turn comes but probably modify it a bit. It was a good experience but I don’t think I would attend another one unless I know very well the bride.