Is this Life I Wanted?

It’s Sunday evening, the 6th of September, like a prisoner, I looked out the window to see the lights in a misty surrounding. My house is located on a hill which has a good view of some parts of Chipata and even enjoys the sunset from the porch. However, I missed all these opportunities primarily for two major reasons; the first is avoiding mosquitoes wherein once it gets dark I have to go indoors. The second is security. The VSO bulletin for the month of August advised volunteers to always lock the doors even when we are inside the house, not to leave windows open, keep valuables discreetly, etc. Chipata, which I have come to love, generally is a peaceful place but taking extra precautions is always better.

In this situation, sometimes, I ask myself, is this life I want? I am independent, living on my own, away from family problems which we are normally included even if we are not supposed to be part of it, just because it’s a Filipino culture. Weekends are normally the most challenging days of the week. This weekend probably is a particular one because normally, I would hang-out with Mzungus over a coffee or dinner but nothing of this sort happened. Saturday, I was quite busy doing domestic chores. I woke up late, soaked and washed personal stuff, watered plants and a bit of weeding, and cooking! I made maja blanca to take advantage of the left over coconut milk and baked chocolate cookies for the sake of trying it but both were well done. I was just indoors the whole day. In the evening, I watched the last 3 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy season 3 because I have to start season 4. I finished watching at midnight and this concluded my day.

Sunday, I went for prayers and I was late again! I have carried over here my record of being late every Sunday during masses. I tried my best to wake up early but 7:30 is really too much early for me, moreover on a Sunday. After mass, I skipped the usual drop-by at the Father’s House because all priests were not around. Visiting priests from the cathedral were celebrating the mass. Reaching home, I washed my bike, watered the plants and planted some chilis. I wanted to cut the chilis infront of the porch because I find it out of place. I am not a chili eater but I just want to continue the pleasure of watching the tiny red fruits. I was so immersed with the planting that I just removed seeds using bare hands only to realize later that my fingers were burning. Mama’s warning slipped off my mind: never cut chilis with bare hands! I struggled to do something about it but when I was transferring baking soda from plastic to a container, I read that it helps burns. So, I put some powder in water and soaked my hands. After a few minutes, the burning sensation was gone. It was really effective! I cooked a good dinner, tried my hand with pork steak which did not taste the way mama does it, and prepared some vegetables, Indian way! But I failed to make it taste the 1st time I tasted it cooked by a Pakistani, UK-grown volunteer. Something was missing in the taste. Nonetheless, I enjoyed eating both. I took a nap, finished the book “The Winner Stands Alone” and dyed my hair.

Now, it’s evening, I am in front of my computer, trying to put into writing my weekend so that interested people would have a glimpse of a weekend in the life of a volunteer. I don’t want to sulk into depression, but sometimes, it reaches a point when you ask yourself, is this life I wanted?