Giving Back during this Season of Giving

Giving back to the country which has given me much! This is my 2nd December in this country and also the second time I have done this. I wish I could give more but I only had little to share; however, it didn't matter, what mattered most was the fact that I made them happy just for a day! I was so touched by their preparation, the parents and leaders were all there to greet me and to witness the activity. 

Ms. Aydel Welcome to our village. This is Mary, the daughter of one the community leaders who welcomed me to the village with a garland of flowers.

The processional to the make-shift small hut

Traditional Dance in Dua community, Kubuna Village, Central Province

The band with their traditional music instruments.

One of the boys! They are born singers!

Sharing the little food we prepared.

Fusion of native and commercial food. Instant noodles with fried fowl egg. 

Banana with green veggies. .

Kao-kao (sweet potato) with chicken and instant noodles. 

Buai relay. Adopting to local situation the traditional relay game. 

You'd think that buai relay is easy? Nope! Children have to go back to their base several times before reaching the end line.

It was a fun statue dance contest! more than the prize was the smile on children's faces.

Queuing for the gift distribution

A pose withe the kids who were part of the traditional dance presentation. 

This time with the teens! they were also part of the traditional dance performers.

Packing my simple gifts for the children.

Thank you Ms. Aydel! Everyone approached me for a hand shake.

It was much appreciated! This inspires me to do more! 

To those who are giving me presents next year, you can give me anything for children so that I could share it to those who are in need. Merry Christmas!

What Does Life Begins at 40 Really Means?

According to wikipedia, Life Begins at 40 is a self-help book with the general thrust that, given the current conditions of the world, one could look forward to many years of fulfilling and happy existence after age 40, provided that one maintained the proper positive attitude. As I celebrate my 40th, it's not just about looking forward but looking back to many years of fulfilling and happy existence. 

It may sound cliché but there’s nothing more I could ask for, as I reach the age of life begins… God has been very good to me. I feel so blessed. He granted all my prayers. Where I am now, especially my career was because of Him. It has not been an easy journey but every rugged road I passed through was all worth it.

I successfully crossed my college days with an allowance just enough for my needs and nothing extra for dining-out or watching a movie but with the end goal of completing my studies, earn a degree and find a job, I pushed through with whatever little I had. Eight months after getting my university degree, including review and licensure examination, I found a job. Barely 2 months in my job, I got my license as a Social Worker. My first job led to another one and I was never unemployed since then.   

At the strike of midnight...thanks to someone for the effort 

During one of my field monitoring trips in Zambia

All these jobs molded me to who I am personally and professionally. I was lucky to be given the opportunity to perform my best and excel in whatever I do. Over and above doing my best, I enjoyed and still enjoying the work that I do. My career direction was very clear, and the whole universe conspired for me to get it. I was able to work overseas, in five countries actually! get an INGO employment without any placement fee and without undergoing the normal recruitment process from DOLE-POEA.  Being in my current position is already a bonus because what I wanted was a paid job in the development sector only. Getting a secured job led to other dreams getting realized. 

Before reaching 40, I was able to travel to places I wanted to visit both abroad and in the Philippines, be it through official or personal trips. There is still plenty in my bucket list but seeing those places was already so much to be thankful for. Another dream realized was traveling with mama (my mother) overseas. There’s nothing more fulfilling than taking your mother on a tour overseas.

Trip to Singapore with mama

Love life has never been perfect.  After a few attempts of being in a relationship, I finally found the best fit for me.  Indeed good things come to those who wait. The 40^th celebration of my birth was one of the best. It was not just a celebration of my birth date but a celebration of life.  Thanks to those who have been with me in this journey and to those who would still be with me as I continue this journey.  

Celebrated my 40th at Burubudor

A Humbling Christmas Experience...away from home

I always make sure that I am home for Christmas but it was not possible this year since I am only 3-month old in my work and besides taking advance vacation leave, I wanted to have it for a longer period of time in mid-2014 back in the Philippines. Determined to make the most of being away from home I decided to spend it in a remote village without electricity, out of mobile network and no internet connectivity. Nonetheless, it was a very humbling experience.

Midnight Mass

Christmas Day Mass

No fancy clothes, no expensive gifts, no festive meals but it showed the real meaning of the baby Jesus who was born in a manger. While attending mass, I couldn't help my mind from wandering off and, comparing and contrasting Christmas here and in the Philippines. I remember when I was a child; I would always feel bad if I don’t have a new dress on Christmas day. I feel sorry for myself if I don’t receive a gift, and I feel bad if we don’t have jamon or quezo de bola on Noche Buena. Christmas was more exciting not because of Jesus Christ’s birthday but because of everything ‘new’ during this season. These sentiments are not only mine but also of countless Filipino children. I outgrew all these things as time passed by, but I knew that a significant percentage of the Filipino children and even from other countries have the same expectations.  In this village, children and adults came barefooted, clothes without distinction if these are for everyday use or for special occasion. Nonetheless, they all came to pray and worship the reason for this celebration. In my own perception, they might be deprived of so many things but there are no traces of these on their faces. It’s difficult to fathom what’s in their hearts and minds but what I witnessed touched me in a very special way. Indeed we should always feel blessed and be thankful of what we have.

Gift-giving

Gift-giving

This year, I was not able to do my Share of Thanksgiving back home which was the annual party I throw for my family but I am glad to have done it for these children. I didn't pack much but the happiness from the children as they received the small gift, the pride in wearing the name tags from the Child Rights workshop until the Christmas Eve and Day masses and the smile as they took pictures with me was more than enough to show how the small gesture made them feel special. Surely, I'll never forget this experience!

Picture-taking with some of the kids

Traditional dishes- the share from the community...

Extending "World Peace" Beyond My Organization

Rather than entertain homesickness and the longing to be with my family this Christmas holidays, I decided to spend it in a village in PNG. Kubuna, which is part of Kairuku District in Central Province is a 2 ½ hour-drive from Port Moresby. The Parish of Mary Mother of the Church is located in this place where my friend is assigned as a priest.  We conceived this idea of doing something for the children in the village during my off from work.  Violation of Child Rights is a common issue in PNG. Given its complexities in this country, we decided to have an orientation just to raise the consciousness of children about their rights without aiming for something big.  

The participants 

Children between 8-12 years old were mobilized in the community to participate in the workshop. Coloring of photos illustrating Child Rights was used as a methodology. It was derived from a workbook of UNICEF which I found online. The activity may not be appropriate for their age but given the context, it’s the simplest and easily comprehensible method. Basic rights from the long list of articles in the Convention on Rights of the Child (CRC) were reduced to eight as the most relevant. The fifty-three children were divided into nine small groups and given a set of rights which they have to color and interpret. Each group took turns in the plenary presentation describing the picture. There was also a raffle of gifts during the interval of each presentation. The children pasted their drawing on the wall after each presentation and they were also requested to chant the rights repeatedly for memory retention. At the end of the activity, each child was asked to select their favorite right and wrote them in a colored paper that was folded into a boat, initially planned to be floated in the river but due to time constraint, they were told to keep them instead.  

Children busy coloring the pictures

The raffle draw in between discussion...

My favorite right is...

You should write your favorite right in colored paper and make a boat out of it...

The seriousness of the issue was confirmed when a mother stopped by the venue and interfered into one group that was busy with their work. Whatever the children heard from the mother had offended and caused them to be wary that they decided to move away from their corner of the room. This caught the attention of the head teacher, my co-facilitator who talked to the mother and requested her to leave. Instead of leaving, this woman accused the group of children for negatively interpreting her comments, and started lambasting and beating her child on his back using the dull edge of the bush knife, to my dismay! That was the point where I felt so helpless for fear that she’d turn her attention towards me, so I let the teacher handle the situation.   Shocked, I had to continue the discussion but before I proceeded as planned, I had to process what I have seen and what the children had witnessed! I asked, who among them experiences physical beating or corporal punishment, all of them raised their hands, some even mentioned parents using the sharp edge of bush knife to beat them. Parents hit them physically using any thing within their reach unmindful if it's dangerous or not. What a relevant way of synthesizing the workshop. It struck me though, how the children reacted. There was no fear, nor embarrassment on their faces. They remained focused with their task. Probably, what they have witnessed was not unusual for them. Something to ponder upon!

Checking their group work

This is what I meant with the ‘complexity’. Despite what happened, I didn't feel discouraged.  Culture is one of the biggest factors in this country but knowing the right approach, there can be an improvement. It may take long. Change does not happen overnight. Development is a process. 

At the end of the day, the teacher expressed her appreciation to me and said “I learned a lot today, I didn't know that beating a child and using corporal punishment is a violation of child rights. Starting next school year, I won’t do it any more to my students and even to my own children”. I may not have achieved much but surely it made a difference. It may take long, but there is a tiny flicker of hope!

A Letter from ate Daisy

Who is ate Daisy? She is described in Filipino lingo as 'walang masamang tinapay' a counterpart of 'miss congeniality' so to speak because she is a friend of everybody! She played a great role in my life while I was in Dili, Timor-Leste. She was my shoulder to cry on, she was my sounding board, she was my counselor, she was my critique...she would feed me, cook the food I craved for...she was there during the highs and lows, ups and downs of my life and living in Timor-Leste...she was always the first one to appreciate my little achievements, professionally and personally....I can go on and on to describe her...but to sum it up, she was an older sister whom I didn't have. 

with ate Daisy in Maubisse

On the eve of my flight back to Manila (Philippines), she handed me this letter which I couldn't read myself because I was too emotional. It was read instead by another friend. After reading the letter, I asked ate Daisy's permission to publish it in my blog.  

Mahal kong Aydel, 

Mahirap mapalayo sa isang KAIBIGAN...madalas natin sinasabi na "ayos lang" o "okay lang" dahil naging masaya naman sa panahon na magkasama tayo. Halos ayaw nga matulog ang gabi dahil halos ayaw ng magkahiwa-hiwalay (magkikita naman agad kinabukasan) at di pa doon nagtatapos ang kulitan, usapan at kwentuhan. Aba, eh may sms na may tawag pa bago matulog. At sa pagbangon sa umaga ganoon pa din...sms ulit, tawag ulit (kulang na lang magtabi sa pagtulog...) hay, buhay!!! 

Kahit minsan hindi pumasok sa ating mga isipan o usapan ang paghihiwalayan, ang pagkalayo at ang pag-alis...ngunit dumating na ang katotohanang PAGHIHIWALAYAN. 

Masarap gunitain at balik-balikan ang panahon na pinagsamahan, pinagsaluhan at pinagkaisahan...ang tawanan, iyakan at LAFANGAN.  

Lumipas ang mga minuto, oras at mga araw sa payak na paraan. Payak sapagkat magaan ang pinagdaanan ng ating pagkakaibigan, payak ang mga kaisipan, payak ang pinag-uusapan. Walang hadlang, walang balakid dahil iisa lang ang ating mga kaisipan at kalooban.  

Masaya sapagkat may bago na naman na kabanata ang ating kinabukasan. Ngunit madami tayong katanungan. Saan patutungo ang bagong buhay, ano kaya ang aking magiging buhay sa kabilang bayan, paano ako mabubuhay ngayon na ako'y mawawalay sa aking mga minamahal na kaibigan.  

Lahat ng katanungan ay nangyari na, nakalipas na, napagdaanan...nabuhay ako na nag-iisa at walang kasama, masakit, malungkot at mahirap.  

Masarap sapagkat bagong lugar, masaya sapagkat bagong buhay, mahirap sapagkat magkakahiwalay.  

Ngunit, hindi doon nagtatapos ang lahat... 

Simula pa lang ito ng tunay na samahan at pagkakaibigan, madalas natin sabihin magkikita pa naman muli (kung hindi pa tayo mga ulyanin). Magkakausap pa muli (kung hindi pa mahina ang ating pandinig). Magkakasama (kung wala pa tayong mga rayuma at karamdaman). At sa katunayan, tuloy ang LIGAYA sapagkat IISA lang ang ating KALOOBAN....ang katotohanan na MINAHAL natin ang isa't-isa.  

Ang tanging maipapabaon namin sa iyo ay ang aming taos-pusong PAGMAMAHAL.
Paalam, KAIBIGAN. Hanggang sa muling pagkikita-kita 

Nagmamahal,  

Ate Daisy
28 June 2013
Dili, Timor-Leste 

Thank you so much ate Daisy for being there all the time!  

Field Work

Despite the challenges in traveling to the field, I always try to find something positive apart from of course doing the tasks that bring me to the field. Here's a major realization tonight while i was sipping coffee with my local colleagues at the local restaurant in Maliana.

If there is one thing I like about field work, it is the moment shared with colleagues. I am referring in particular to the dinner together wherein we got to talk about different things which i don't normally have the chance to do since everyone is busy doing their work at the office while lunch break are always spent at their own houses. These informal talks give me an idea about work, their own challenges both in dealing with their tasks and colleagues. These informal talks let me go inside their inner self through sharing their family stories, their background. These informal talks give me an idea about what they want for professional and personal growth. And most of all, these informal chats give me a glimpse about their history and how it influenced their personality as well as upbringing. This in turn helps me to understand them and most of all, all the more I understand the importance of putting into context everything I do, considering the kind and nature of work that i do, which is development.

Father Chubby

While witnessing the washing of the feet during the Holy Thursday mass, memories of the 1^st time I witnessed a reenactment flashed back on my mind and I remember with fondness Fr. Chubby.  Fr. Chubby was the first Parish Priest at my home place in the Philippines; I was only four years old then when he moved to our barangay (village).  As the first Parish Priest, and also his first parish, he was young and energetic then. The convent was so vibrant during his administration. He tried all his best to observe all the feasts and holy days of obligation with simple yet memorable celebrations. It was then that I remembered, Fr. Chubby as the first priest who made the commemoration of the washing of the feet something to look forward to during Holy Week.

Our house then was only a block away from the convent and every afternoon he would hang out in our small sari-sari store and wait for passersby, which was his own style of integrating with the community.  Slowly people would converge and before dusk, a number of people are already gathered around him, listening to his stories. As a child, I admired him so much and as I was growing, all the more I appreciated him and his closeness to people.

Fr. Chubby was my ‘firsts’.  My first confession was to him, which was done just inside our classroom on my 2^nd grade. I also received my 1^st communion from him as part of the first confession. He was also the one who assisted during my confirmation. Fr. Chubby was around during my childhood, he had seen me excel in everything I do, and he was part of all my success being a great motivator. Every day, he would ask me what I learned from school and during competitions; he would always be there to support by practicing with me the poems that I have to deliver during the inter-school competition, the spelling, quizzes, etc.  I learned to read fast through the comics he was renting which I picked-up every day from another sari-sari store.

Being used to hanging out at home, he had watched me grew up and I became very close to him and even after his service in our place, I always made sure to visit him at his parish. During Christmas, he always made sure that I receive something from him, which in most occasion, a ten-peso crispy note. He was happy to learn, that I enrolled in a Catholic School and even more proud when I completed my secondary studies with honors.  Despite the distance of his parish assignments and my being busy with university studies, I knew he was always there for me. When I passed the board exam, I was surprised and deeply touched when he came to our place with a copy of the Philippine Daily Inquirer; he kept the issue with a list of the Social Work Board passers. Again, he was proud that I was among them.  Later on, I learned also that he was telling other parishioners about my success. Whatever I have reached, I knew he has been part of my prayer brigade.

Sometime in 1998, he got assigned to a parish where my 2nd job was also located.   I was so happy because the convent became my lunch place. If there are occasions at the office requiring overtime, I would stay at the convent but there was always a curfew and on the dot, he would be at the doorstep waiting for me. His main reason for doing it was that he was accountable to my parents. He would lend me his books, he would save me pistachio nuts because he knew it’s my favorite, he would keep the freshest fruits from the offering for me, etc. These are small gestures but meant a lot. During my break-up with my boyfriend for seven years, I cried in front of him while he was listening to my sobs and assuring me that things are gonna be alright. He served as my spiritual advisor. It eased the pain but I knew deep inside him, he was also hurting. I went overseas for 1 ½ yours to do my ‘world peace’ stint and when I returned to the Philippines, I was so happy to learn that he was assigned to the parish next to our place, only 7 kilometers away from our home. However, in less than a year, he had a heart attack at the age of 55. I was shocked and I couldn’t even believe it. I went home from Manila to attend his funeral. At the wake, I told him ‘why did you die? You promised to officiate my wedding” which made those who overheard it, laugh. Once he told me that he was prepared with his homily for my wedding but this event never happened until now and I guess one of his frustrations for me. It has been almost 5 years since he died, and I want to relive his statement in one of our conversations, “Aydle (this is how he calls me), I pray to my dad to intercede for me before I pray to God because prayers from the dead is very powerful”. This Easter, while commemorating Christ’s resurrection, I want Fr. Chubby to resurrect in my life and I hope that wherever he may be, he is always praying for me.  I surely miss him!

The Risen Lord in Me

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What struck me most from all the homilies during the 3-day celebration of the passion of Christ was the message during the Easter Vigil mass that was ‘Don’t lose heart; God is at work in your lives’. Many times I have told friends and even clergy friends, I have stopped praying for something because for so long I have been praying for it but I always end up getting not what I have prayed for. My clergy friends react in silence but other friends would keep assuring me, in His time.

In all my assignments, this is the first time I have observed Holy Week from start to finish. Even when I was working with Caritas in Zambia, Holy Week was an opportunity for me to spend holidays exploring nearby countries or other places within the country. This year, it’s different. I’m not sure if it’s because of different priorities, the geographical nature of Timor-Leste, the solemnity of the celebration, or the crossroads I am trekking at the moment. Whatever the reason(s), I am glad for this transformation in my life. For 3 years now, I am in a situation where I always find myself asking if I am doing the right thing or oftentimes finding a reason to justify it. I wanted to get out of it but I always find myself pulled back and in the end, I am once again trapped. The realization during this Lenten celebration is clear to me and all I am asking is wisdom to think properly and clearly so that I could lead myself to making the right decision. Strength to carry all the pains I am and will be going through for taking this decision. I know it won’t be easy as I thought it would be, but these two things are all I am asking for, to set myself free from this trap. A trap which led me to deception, cheating, countless pains, drenched pillows from tears, unaccounted phone calls, sleepless nights, trips back and forth to SOS hospital in Ha Noi.  Decision made which transformed me to a different person.  


On the celebration of the risen Lord, is also a resurrection within me. It’s not going to be easy but like the message of the Easter Vigil, I should not lose heart because God is working in my life. Happy Easter!

Scene at the Mall

I have written this while I was in the Philippines at the peak of holiday shopping on 23 December 2011 but I was not able to upload it immediately. Christmas is one of the busiest time of the year in the Philippines. Going to the malls is a real challenge with so many people doing their Christmas shopping, long queue in cash counters and taxi bays. For 4 consecutive years now, I have been out of the country and within these four years, I was lucky to be home for the last two years but I don't enjoy anymore the hustle and bustle of the holidays but this year I didn't have choice but to join the people in the malls as I have to buy some important stuff. I must admit that I am not used to it anymore but I couldn't avoid it this year. 


After finishing my shopping, I went to queue for a taxi. It was a double line queue but I knew that it wouldn't take me long to hop in so I patiently waited for my turn to get a taxi ride. Then suddenly I heard a noise from a woman who was so annoyed with the guards who were assisting the shoppers in the queue to get a taxi. She was complaining why a shopper who was outside, near the exit door was allowed to get a cab. The guards reasoned out they were allowed to get a taxi in that area because they have a baby but this woman insisted that it was not fair. She added that everyone should queue regardless if they have a baby. My uttered silently, what a ruthless woman she is. She even threatened the guards that they will be reported to the management of the mall. The guards however just smiled and left them, which is a real portrayal of a true and genuine Filipino.  


 While listening to this woman, it made me ask myself, is this what fellow VSO RV from the Netherlands was telling me at the boarding lounge of Dili airport that I am near the age when I would feel a stranger in my own country, that I would feel I don't belong anymore because soon, it will be my fifth consecutive year of being out of the country and this was the year he felt such strangeness in Holland. Or was this woman one of those who thinks that she is right and reasonable. I wanted to tell her: be thankful for all the comfort and conveniences you are enjoying in our country. Be thankful to be living in a city where life is being one of the best you could have in this world. I have seen the family she was referring to who has two children, a toddler and a baby. I guess the guards did the right thing of letting them take a ride without queueing with the rest of the shoppers at the taxi waiting area. I just couldn't believe what I have witnessed. I wish and hope that this woman would have the opportunity to be in the country where i have been working and living so that she would come to realize the goodness of life she is living and the comfort she is enjoying. Reflecting this incident during this season of the year, i hope my country would wake up to the real meaning of Christmas. It's not just shopping for presents but more important is keeping the real spirit of Christmas in their hearts. 

Countdown

Today is the 1st of December, I am one of the many people or specifically Filipinos doing a countdown but mine is not a countdown to Christmas and New Year but the days that i'll be going home for the holidays. Apart from the lack of Christmas spirit in Dili, I personally don't feel any excitement towards it, I asked myself why but I couldn't find any answer. I try to reflect and find out the reasons but these are all 'could be' or 'maybe' because of...

photo from: iloveeasthampton.blogspot.com

...i have been celebrating it away from home and I got used to the feeling of observing it in any way I could just to let it pass

...too old to look forward to material gifts I would receive from family, relatives, friends and much more from a boyfriend. It has been long since I last received a Christmas gift from a boyfriend, I mean on the day itself. I either get it pre or post Christmas which is not exciting anymore. This year, or 2 weeks from now, I have no idea if I would get one

...apart from celebrating it with mama and my nephews and nieces from cousins. I have not celebrated Christmas with my boyfriend for a long time. Another thing which I don't think I would experience 2 weeks from now

It's all mixed emotions, there's something missing which I cannot describe nor articulate. I don't know...really don't know...

Looking forward, looking back...

I always look forward to Fr. Roy celebrating the English mass in Aimutin because of his homily. Today is the first Sunday of Advent, the beginning of a new calendar year for the Catholic Church. His homily revolved around how to begin a new year. To do this, he said you have to look back in order to look forward. Meaning, reflect on what happened in the past year and think of how next year could be better. 

Looking forward, looking back. A short line but full of meaning which made me reflect on how has been this year to me. I would say that 2011 has been good to me although the beginning was challenging with mama's health condition. But I am indeed thankful for she managed to sustain her good health condition after her hospital confinement in January. I would always be grateful to my family and relatives who have been with her during my absence. 

Personally, I have become stronger and braver. I don't know if it goes with the age but I have made decisions which I knew I wouldn't take 5 years ago both personally and professionally. 

This year also marked the year when one of my fondest dream came true. I acquired something I longed to have. A decision which I braved to take.  

I left the perks and comfort of being a UNV in UNDP. I loved my work, but I couldn't sense any fulfillment in what I was doing. I took this decision without any regrets. Now, I am enjoying my work despite the challenges ahead of me for I am starting a break-through in the monitoring and evaluation system of our organization. The first few weeks were difficult but I am now well-settled with my work and living environment. 

Love life has also been good. The beginning of the year started well. Despite all the complications, I am still there. However, I have become stronger and braver to show him that I can let go of him, no matter how difficult it might be. Because of this, he has improved a lot, he is back to where we started. 

With the help of internet, family gets closer despite the distance.  

I found new friends in Timor Leste which made adjustment, life and living less challenging. Old friends remained to be good and more closer. Old friends mean high school and my two best buddies, Miriam and Jessamyn who may never understand some of my decisions in life but they have remained to be there for me. 

Looking back, I have so much to be thankful for. I just hope it would continue to be until the end of this year. Looking forward, I do hope 2012 would be a better year for me, if not, at least the same as this year. 

I uttered a short prayer intention after the homily, a prayer I have been praying for a long time. I leave it up to His mighty hands if 2012 would be the right time for Him to give it to me.